Chris Allan

Namaste.

With the perspective that time gives, situations and experiences that didn’t seem humourous at the time, suddenly take on a new light.

In the interests of cross culture understanding I decided to start a guide to cultural differences in India for first time westerners..

A Tourists guide to India Ver 1.0 :

Sounding of the Horn while driving:
There are many meanings that this may be intended to convey. Here are some:
-Don’t anybody do anything crazy, I’ve managed to get to 100kph and I want to maintain this speed while overtaking the five of you
-Hello
-Bitch … that was my gap!
-I’m overtaking on a blind rise/corner and if you are coming in the opposite direction you had better slow down.
-Slow down and let me in, I’ve started overtaking 5 cars and now realise that I won’t be able to do that before having a head on with the car coming towards me.
-I am just adding pressure to make sure the guys in front move faster.
-Move out of the way cow/beggar/child/tuk tuk/camel/elephant/tourist!

A Good Purchase:
This is any business interaction where you don’t end up paying 500% of the product’s worth, don’t receive fake currency as change, don’t end up buying fake goods and actually buy what you walked into the store intending to buy.

Safe Driving:
There is no such thing in India. Take out extra insurance.

A Cow:
This animal is only similar in appearance to the source of milk that Westerners know. An Indian Cow is able to digest plastic, part traffic like moses did the red sea, negotiate its way through city streets without a GPS and demand respect that powerful men only dream of.

Head wobble:
This is similar to the sounding of the horn, as it can have multiple meanings. It can mean:
-It’s my pleasure
-I’m not sure
-I know the answer to your question but I’m not telling you
-You’ve caught me out, but I’m going to wobble and smile my way through it.
-Yes
-No
-I don’t know what to say
-“tum tum tiddly tum” To the latest Bollywood track

Women:
As a western male in India there will often be times where you should not look directly at, talk to or take photographs of the women that you may see. Western women on the other hand are stared at, whistled at, photographed and harassed. Often Indian guys will see themselves as helpless flirts or misunderstood Cassanovas. Confronting a particularly forward flirter will result in much head wobbling.

Burping, Spitting (preceded by the noise of phlegm harvesting from the depths of ones lungs), nose blowing sans tissue, male urination in public: These are all A-Okay in India.

Farting and eating with the left hand: These are frowned upon. Big time.

Samoosa:
Packaged dynamite. These are not marked according to level of spicyness. Assume that they will result in extreme heat at both ends of your digestive system.

Despite the negative spin above, we are actually having a great time and have found our latest destination, Kashmir, to be a breath of fresh air after the smoggy, skanky, sinful city of Delhi.

Hope you enjoy the selection of photographs below.

All the best
Chris

Travel in India changes a man. Experiences that would have left me white knuckled and nauseous a few months back, now pass by unnoticed as I doze in the crumbling seat of a wildly careening Tuk Tuk.

I hardly notice the smells both exotic and interesting, or hear the hocking of a loogie, the incessant hooting or the tout touting. I hardly see the child squatting, the fumes belching, the beggars begging, the con artists scamming. Nor do I notice the constant gurgling of my stomach any more. All these things are common in the cities of India and they bombard the senses of the freshly arrived traveller, threatening to engulf, churn and spit one out onto the grubby third world pavement, to be picked at by the constantly circling, squawking kites and city crows.

But in amongst that metropolitan mess are moments, characters, cultures, and colours that that leave you grinning from ear to ear. In India, as a foreigner you are both a hero and a target, just as likely to be invited in to share a family feast on the floor of a kitchen with three generations watching your every mouthful, as you are to be scammed, lied to and taken advantage of, for every penny you own.

But lets hit the reverse button for a second…

A week long wait for Indian Visa’s in Kuala Lampur meant we had an excuse to explore the island of Sumatra in Indonesia. The “To Do” list read like something that David Attenborough might have scribbled down.

Sumatra To Do List:

Visit the jungle to see Orangutangs in the wild.
Trek up a volcano
Visit a crater lake, and explore the island in the middle

Despite jungle vomiting, near death experiences in battered local minibus taxis, torrential downpours, leech bites and kamakaze mosquito attacks, we had a spectacular time and managed to snap a few good pics along the way.

Visa’s in hand, we boarded a plane to Delhi on the 24th of December and toasted friends and family around the world over a cellophane and tin foil aeroplane dinner, with a surprisingly good, albeit miniature glass, of red wine.

Christmas brunch was spent on a smoggy rooftop alongside soaring kites (birds of prey), twirling kites (paper and wood and cellotape) and a cheesy Christmas scene you might see outside a department store. Our “Winter Wonderland” was created by our santa hat wearing indian hosts from balloons, cotton wool and tacky decorations and was their end of year pride and joy.

So curry and naan replaced turkey and potatoes, lassie replaced egg nog and the Christmas carols that played on repeat for three solid days on the hotel sound system, were punctuated by the incessant hooting from the manic street below. It was a Christmas above expectations.

Fast forward through train trips and long awaited reunions with friends in the desert province of Rajhastan. Forward past road trips and sunsets and camel treks, cricket matches and even past a “hookah pipe new year”, with fireworks and friends in a city called Jaipur. Forward until today… having just recovered from a bout of Delhi Belly, and preparing for the rest of what India has to offer.

I hope you enjoy the pics, let me know which are your favourite and Good luck for 2010!